Masochist Loves New Job as AOL Support Technician

James Johnson, a nineteen year old student at the University of Arizona, was just like any college student, scrambling to find the money to pay for books, babes, and beer. He felt that taking a job doing tech support for America Online would help. Little did he know that the job would bring out the masochist hidden inside him.

[caption id="attachment_489" align="alignright" width="269" caption="Five Days and Counting!"][/caption]

In only his first day on the job, he encountered prime examples of some of the clueless denizens of the internet, AOL customers. However, since he takes pleasure from the pain of repeating himself over and over and over, along with his flair for sarcasm, he decided this might just be the job for him.

What follows are some transcripts of Johnson's calls:

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Johnson - Good morning, and thank you for calling America Online technical support. How may I help you today?

Customer - Hi, my screen name is ChadNobleRoxors23, and I have a problem.

Johnson - Well, Mister Noble, is that your name?

ChadNobleRoxors23 - Well, I'd prefer if you call me Bob.

Johnson - Sure...um...Bob. What's the problem?

ChadNobleRoxors23 - My screen seems to have been burned in

Johnson - By burned in, you mean that an image is always on your monitor, no matter what page you go to?

ChadNobleRoxors23 - Yes.

Johnson - Well sir, I'd suggest that you call the monitor company, we do not provide support for monitors, only connection to the internet and software in large quantities. Off the record though, [whispers] I think you need to buy a new monitor.

ChadNobleRoxors23 - I can't afford one, and if my mom sees this, I'm dead.

Johnson - What's the picture of?

ChadNobleRoxors23 - Well it's a picture of a guy and a...umm...goat.

Johnson - Thank you for calling AOL and have a nice day....goat fucker!

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Johnson - Good morning, and thank you for calling America Online technical support. How may I help you today?

Customer - I have an emergency! My child has swallowed an AOL CD!

Johnson - What the...how...is that even possible? How big is your child's mouth? [barely audible] Dude, Fred, listen to this one!

Customer - What do I do!?

Johnson - Ok, go to your library and pick up a book by Charles Darwin called Origin of Species, and read section 4, entitled Survival of the Fittest.

Customer - Does that tell me how to get the CD out?

Johnson - It sure does. Thank you for calling AOL, and have a great day!