Jeb Bush Keeps Up Legal Fight to Keep Severely Brain-Damaged Brother in White House

Written by Jake Novak

In a story eerily similar to the Terry Schiavo case, Florida Governor Jeb Bush is vowing to continue his legal fight to keep his brother President for another four years.

[caption id="attachment_133" align="alignright" width="345" caption="Man, the whole family's in on this!"][/caption]

"George W. is severely brain-damaged, we all know that, but our family's hold on the White House is precious and God-given, which we know since it sure wasn't given to us by the voters," said Governor Bush while ignoring thousands of newly-homeless Floridians trying to stave off another hurricane. "We cannot know if my brother will someday come out of this semi-coma and start enacting responsible policy. While we wait, it is not for us to commit electoral euthanasia," he insisted.

Bush Promises “No Negative Advertising Against John Edwards and His Fatass Wife”

Written by Jimmy Wellington

With campaign season heating up, both parties are running advertising in key states that both support their candidacy for the White House, and attack their opponents. However, thus far in our nation, there is a line of decency that neither side have crossed, and President Bush promises that tradition will continue.




“I promise that I will not target John Edward’s fat ass wife in any of our advertisements. I will not call attention to the Democratic strategists’ borrowing of the Lane Bryant ‘Kirstie Alley’ plan, by hiding Elizabeth Edwards behind strategically placed pillows, tables, and tractor trailers.”, the President said Wednesday.