In a story eerily similar to the Terry Schiavo case, Florida Governor Jeb Bush is vowing to continue his legal fight to keep his brother President for another four years.
[caption id="attachment_133" align="alignright" width="345" caption="Man, the whole family's in on this!"]  [/caption] |
"George W. is severely brain-damaged, we all know that, but our family's hold on the White House is precious and God-given, which we know since it sure wasn't given to us by the voters," said Governor Bush while ignoring thousands of newly-homeless Floridians trying to stave off another hurricane. "We cannot know if my brother will someday come out of this semi-coma and start enacting responsible policy. While we wait, it is not for us to commit electoral euthanasia," he insisted.
Governor Bush says his stand on his brother's presidency is exactly the same as his refusal to allow Terry Schiavo's husband to terminate her life, simply because she's living in extreme pain with no brain function.
"Mr. Schiavo and the Governor are in the same boat, but Mr. Bush has clearly chosen the more responsible path," said ethics guru Bill Bennet while participating in an illicit dice game on the corner of 118th Street and Lennox, "Mr. Shiavo stands to inherit millions of dollars if his wife finally dies, and the U.S. would probably get out of this multi-trillion dollar debt soon enough if we got rid of W., but our society's morals are more important than money. Now, excuse me for a moment, I really need to roll a six here."
Skeptics disagree, saying it's not even clear if President Bush wants to keep going.
"I'm sure if the President were coherent, he'd ask his family to end his presidency as soon as possible," said former Surgeon General C. Everett Coop. "I haven't examined him myself, but the pained expressions on his face every time he faces the news media are a sure sign he really wants to end it," Coop concluded.
Governor Bush's aides were quickly working on a compromise plan to present to the nation's voters, in case popular support for keeping his brother in office begins to wane.
"We perfectly willing to feed him only on alternate days, and we'll even let him try to eat a pretzel again even though we know how dangerous that can be for George," said "Keep Bush Alive" campaign coordinator Karl Rove. "That kind of reduced feeding plan is what we call 'Compassionate Conservatism," Rove added.
Despite all of the Bush team's efforts, there is still an outside chance the voters will opt to end his misery. In that case, just as it did in 2000, the Supreme Court is standing by to intervene.
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