Concerned Parent Recommends Pulling Children From al-Gebra Classes Due to Fears of Indoctrination

While Barack Obama's speech to America's children has been written about in newspapers and discusses on news commentary shows, a Morristown man has been trying to raise awareness of an issue he feels is even more important.

[caption id="attachment_268" align="alignright" width="300" caption="The Qu'ran is in here, I just know it!"][/caption]

"I'm not one of those crazy folk who thinks that Barack Obama is going to come out and openly attempt to indoctrinate our children with his Muslim socialist fascist views," said Kyle Newton, a parent.  "I think that he, and people like him, are going to be much more subtle."

Newton believes he has figured it out, thanks to a tip from a friend, who was taking a world religion course at a local community college.

"He was telling me all about the different contributions that the arabs have made to our culture," Newton said.  "He's a nice guy, so I figured I'd humor him and pretend to be interested.  I could hardly hide my shock when he told me that the arabs invented algebra.  I thought I had to turn to a reliable source before I believed that nonsense."

After looking on Wikipedia, Newton says he was convinced. 

"I couldn't believe it.  The word algebra comes from a Persian arab named Muhammed something-or-other, only then it was al-jabr.  I guess they thought that if they made it look like an English word, we wouldn't catch on.  But, we outsmarted them, huh?"

Newton said that it was only a matter of time before he figured out how algebra classes were being used to indoctrinate children in the Muslim religion. For the time being, he recommends that all Christian parents pull their children from algebra classes.

"So far, I've only figured out the first part, but it is very scary because it's hidden so well, but blatantly obvious when you see it.  You see, in basic algebra problems, the variables 'x' and 'y' appear.  Now, 'x' is obviously meant to mean Christians, who are sometimes known as Xians.  When you put that together with the letter 'y' you get 'Christians, why?'  This is obviously meant to put doubt into the minds of students about Christianity.  The next step is the Muslim indoctrination part, but I haven't been able to crack that code yet."

Morristown Central High School would not comment on the story, although Newton did receive a response from them.

"They said that if my daughter didn't take algebra,  she couldn't take the next higher mathematics course, because she needs to use algebra.  I guess this conspiracy runs pretty deep.  I'll get to the bottom of it, I promise you that."