Boy Scouts Set To Execute Retarded Scout

Written by Randall Kensington

Port Orchard, Wash. - Eagle Scout Josh Jameson has earned 37 merit badges, worked more than 1,000 hours of community service and helps lead a Boy Scout troop in his hometown.

[caption id="attachment_375" align="alignright" width="300" caption="The scout leaders plan to follow the execution with a campfire"][/caption]



But the 19-year-old has another distinction - one that warrants his death: He's retarded.

Last week, Jameson was given seven days by the Boy Scout's regional executive to get un-retarded to comply with Boy Scout policy, or be tortured and executed on public television. The official and Jameson were to talk again this week about the scout's decision, although a definitive date has not been set.

"We've asked him time and time again -- quit being so friggin'... retarded! Do whatever you need to do to get that IQ above 80 or you're dead," said Brad Farmer, the Scout executive of the Chief Seattle Council of the Boy Scouts. "If he decides to stay retarded then he does not meet the standards of membership and therefore we can kill him. It's all in the contract."

As a private orginzation, the Boy Scouts are permitted to exclude certain people from membership. The organization reserves its right to execute Negroes, Spics, Ugly People, Chicks, Fat Kids, Fags, Camel Jockeys and Retards.

Jameson, brother of world-renowned adult film star Jenna Jameson, said "Duh... um like... hehe," when asked about his plans. He then had a spasm in his arm and drooled a little.

The issue arose about three weeks ago when Jameson got into an argument with a Scout Leader about who got the last popsicle at a picnic. Raised voices turned to shouting, shouting turned to yelling, and yelling turned to screaming. "I finally said 'Oh shut up, you retard!'," says the Scout Leader, who wished to remain anonymous, "and he didn't say 'No I'm not', so we took that as admission to being retarded. First chicks want to vote and now this. What is the world coming to?" Farmer's office soon contacted Jameson to discuss the issue.

The issue has surfaced before. In 1998, 16-year-old William Robbins, who was discovered to be black after 6 years in the organization, was tied to the back of a pickup truck and dragged 500 miles on the way to a group camping trip by his Troup Leader. The Supreme Court approved of the action due to the Boy Scouts' status as a private organization.