EA Sports Attempts To Corner Lucrative "Gaymer" Market

Rick McMahon has a problem, one that many accross America struggle silently with everyday. Rick is gay. He has long since come to terms with his lifestyle, and feels completely comfortable with his sexuality. However, he is an avid gamer and feels that there is no title that appeals to his favorite activities. Until now.

[caption id="attachment_452" align="alignright" width="200" caption="Olympic champion Sarah Hughes"][/caption]

EA Sports, a division of Electronic Arts Games, recently decided that homosexual gamers, or "gaymers" as they are referred to by EA insiders, are an untapped market with unlimited potential.

In the past year, Corporate America has found that the homosexual community had an immense amount of buying power, and have blatantly marketed products and services to gays and lesbians. One industry insider doesn't know why it has taken so long for marketing agencies to realize the power of those who count sodomy as a normal part of their sexual repertoire.

"Obviously the gay and lesbian community has a lot of influence in this country, is there any other reason that Cher and Barbara Streisand are considered important artists?"

EA Sports originally thought that its football game, Madden 2004, would attract gaymers with its musclebound men wearing skin type pants and engaging in homoerotic behavior. Gaymers yawned and went back to mentally interior decorating their friends' and neighbors' living rooms.

Finally, the gaming company decided that they needed to take more drastic action and designed "Boitano 2004", which takes gaymers inside the world of one of their favorite sports, figure skating. As in their other titles, this game adheres to EA's well-known slogan "If it's in the game, it's in the game".

For example, gaymers get to color co-ordinate their own costumes, develop eating disorders, and hire thugs to maim their more talented main competitor.

A gay and lesbian studies professor at the University of Illinois believes that there is not that much difference between gays and gamers.

"For example, gay men do not have sex with women. Most gamers also don't have sex with women, although for vastly different reasons. Gay men would rather have penis, while gamers would rather play Everquest.".