Lindsay Lohan's Breasts to Star in Own Sitcom

Lindsay Lohan's breasts announced yesterday that they will set out on their own, and that they already have their own deal to star in their own situation comedy.

[caption id="attachment_430" align="alignright" width="249" caption="We'd normally write a caption here, but we're mesmerized"][/caption]

The Fox Network, known for its high brow programming, issued a press release trumpeting Lohan's Breasts as the "number one attraction to our target demographic".

Lohan filed a lawsuit against her former body parts, stating that: "It's my body, and they can't just like go off on their own. I mean, what would I do without my breasts?"

A judge interviewed about the case doesn't think that Lohan will win the lawsuit. "The moment she decided to have implants, she gave up the right to decide what her breasts will and won't do," stated Lance Nightly. "I've spent hours studying photos of Lohan at awards shows, only pausing to take short five minute bathroom breaks, and I can say that there is irrefutable evidence showing that Lohan has indeed has breast surgery."

Nightly admitted that "perhaps further research is required".