Olympic Search Committee Leaves New York: Homeless People, Knicks Allowed to Return

Written by Jake Novak

After a week of putting its best foot forward for the 2012 Summer Games Olympic Search Committee, New York City is letting its guard down and allowing its more embarrassing elements, like homeless people and the Knicks, to return.

[caption id="attachment_472" align="alignright" width="350" caption="Maybe we can pawn the rings for crack!"][/caption]

"Well, we didn't want the IOC to see a bunch of bums on the streets, and we also didn't want them to notice the homeless people either," said Mayor Michael Bloomberg at a news conference after leaving the Olympic search team off at JFK Airport. "And it's a good thing the Oscars are this weekend, because that helped most of our abusive celebrities decide to spend the whole week in L.A.," he added.

City Hall officials admitted to a well-planned effort to get the homeless and the Knicks players out of the search committee's view.

"Well, with the homeless we just gave them all a bottle of malt liquor and bus ticket to Scranton. The Knicks were a little trickier, until we found out we could get them to scatter simply by telling them they were all about to be served with paternity suits," said Deputy Mayor Dan Doctoroff. "Man, you should have seen those players run like hell when we brought that lawyer into the locker room."

But there appears to be some long-term planning as well, according to WCBS-TV political reporter Andrew Kirtzman.

"This wasn't all last-minute. First, the city was careful to invite the IOC to come only on the days of the week when Rosie O'Donnell is usually getting or recovering from liposuction. Second, they did it in the dead of winter when the Mets are safely down in Florida," said Kirtzman.

But the city is hoping there will be no hard feelings, and has already welcomed many of its temporary exiles back home.

"Last night, we let the Knicks back into Madison Square Garden and we arranged hotel rooms for twice the number of ho's they usually bring into midtown on a week night," Bloomberg said. "And as for the homeless, we're just letting them roam free on Staten Island. After a few days, their smell will be indiscernible from everything else over there," he explained.

The IOC will make its decision about the 2012 Summer Games site later this year.