FCC Forces Paul McCartney to Wear Metal Codpiece During Super Bowl Halftime Show

Last year, Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" at the hands of Justin Timberlake during the Super Bowl halftime show created an outrage among families nation wide. Most were enraged that Jackson's breast was shown on national television for a fraction of a second, while others were just shocked that a member of the Jackson family was asked to play at the halftime show.

[caption id="attachment_423" align="alignright" width="275" caption="Your FCC approved halftime show"][/caption]

This year, organizers have decided to go with a "safer" act by having former Beatles member Paul McCartney perform.

The FCC (Fascist Communists Commission) does not think that simply having a family friendly artist perform is enough of a guarantee that children will not catch a flash of a nipple, a sight that would normally involve the child lifting up their own shirt in front of a mirror or other reflective object.

Paul McCartney will be required to have a metal codpiece sewn to the inside of his pants. The pants will then be surgically sutured to his thighs, to ensure minimum chance of a body part being exposed. The FCC has reluctantly allowed McCartney to flash the piece sign, but only a maximum of three times. The reasoning for this is that of course the sign could be interpreted as "the finger" by viewers with poor vision.

(Ed. Note: The FCC has ordered The Fake News to change the phrase "viewers with poor vision" from the last paragraph to "viewers whose lack of optimal vision is made up by their other contributions to society" or face a fine of $10,000.)

In a related story, Levitra will be allowed to advertise during the Super Bowl again, since explaining "erectile disfunction" or "6 hour erection" is nowhere near as awkward for a parent as explaining that women have nipples.

When reached for comment, Paul McCartney was upset, since he was hoping to unveil his new silver penis shield.