Independent Death Contractors Fear Competition From Government Run Death Panels

Information has recently surfaced linking lobbying groups such as Freedom Works to sites that promote "grassroots"

[caption id="attachment_227" align="alignright" width="199" caption="Would you have this man killed by amateurs?"][/caption]

support for protestors seeking to "break up" town hall meetings about health care reform.  Media outlets in the left, such as The Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC, have been investigating connections between these seemingly spontaneous supports of anger and lobbying firms which appear to be funding them.  Today, there was a new and surprising development in the investigation.  Sources indictate that a lobbying firm, Totally Transparent and Honest Citizens for Change, has been producing radio and television advertisements describing health care reform as "a secret plot to kill old people," as Maddow often desribes such scare tactics.

Political advertisements are often funded by special interest groups, so the discovery that TTHCC is producing these advertisements is not shocking, or even surprising.  However, it is the special interest group that hired the firm that is the story.  The firm was hired by the small yet powerful Serial Killers of the Elderly lobby.

"For months, we didn't have an opinion on health care," said a member who did not want to be identified.  "We're kind of a single interest voting block.  Anything that doesn't infringe upon our ability to kill people over the age of 65 is all right by us."

All that changed when former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin made a post on her Facebook page.  She said, "And who will suffer the most when they ration care? The sick, the elderly, and the disabled, of course. The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care."

"A 'Death Panel' that will kill the elderly?  That really sounds like the government is trying to put us out of business," said the SKE member.  "I think I speak for all Americans when I say that we prefer our elderly to be killed not by an impersonal death panel, but rather by a real person: with a name, a face covered by a ski mask, and a surgical scalpel."

The advertisements feature an elderly woman, standing with the support of a walker.  She is waiting in front of a large, elevated panel of five men and women.  The camera zooms in on a file folder as one of the panel members stamps "Declined – Death" on the cover of the folder.  The elderly woman collapses to the floor and weeps.  A voiceover says, "Obama's health care plan contains a provision for 'death panels,' which several U.S. Senators have said 'will pull the plug on Grandma.'  Don't let this happen to your grandmother."

"If this bill goes through," said the SKE member, "people who have no training in killing the elderly will botch it all up.  Killing the elderly is a skill that takes practice.  We have the practice.  Let us do it."