(San Francisco, CA) - The California State Supreme Court's decision to annul thousands of gay and lesbian marriages performed this year means Kelli Carpenter finally has a long-awaited ticket to freedom from being married to Rosie O'Donnell.
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[/caption]"Oh screw the fight for gay rights, if it could get me away from that loud-mouthed fat bitch, I'd vote for Jerry Falwell" said a jubilant Carpenter outside the New York City townhouse she shared with O'Donnell and their four adopted children. "I mean when we first met, I I thought she was kind of cute in a butch sort of way, and she bought me everything I ever wanted, but there's butch and then there's BUTCH. I'm a lesbian, but if I wanted to sleep with a Mack Truck, I would have stuck with my first boyfriend from 8th grade," she added.
Friends of the couple say Carpenter had been trying to get away from O'Donnell for years, but the failed talk show host and movie actress kept dragging her across the world on gay cruises and trips to political rallies.
"The time just never seemed right," said one friend who wanted her name kept secret to avoid being attacked, or eaten, by O'Donnell. "I mean when you're at some rally talking about how lesbians deserve marriage rights, it's pretty hard to just walk out," she added.
