Ten Things That Made Me Want to Stick My Head in an Oven This Year - #4. I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant

4. I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant – Anyone who knows me knows that I hate reality television. The original concept was intriguing, but it quickly became apparent that "reality" television was just improv using untrained actors who moonlight as horrible human beings. Most shows have devolved into a game of constant one-upmanship: How many douchebags can we fit in a house, and how much prodding do they need to act like assholes? I'm not interested in that, as I can just go down to a club at the Jersey Shore if I want to see that.  Oh wait…

In addition to the tried-and-true method of confined douchebag assembly, a newer variation of reality shows have emerged, focused on extreme situations. In the same way that paterntiy suit participants on the Maury Povich Show have increased the reliability of their claims (I think the current standard is "I am 10,000% sure that ain't my baby!"), these shows have become more and more ridiculous. This year's "Ow! My Balls!" award for most ridiculous reality show goes to our number four entry: "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant."

For those of you lucky enough to never have seen this before, the title is literal. There is no grand metaphor about not being in tune with the fetus growning inside the mother, they literally did not know they were pregnant, or so they claim. I'm generally not in favor of any kind of intelligence test to be able to have a child, but I'm finding it hard to disagree with a standard that at some point in a NINE MONTH PERIOD, you couldn't figure out that you were pregnant. I think you would be declared mentally unfit to stand trial if you didn't have the mental capacity to discern a pregnancy, so I don't think you'd be able to properly care for the life of a child.

Thankfully, I have only seen a few short clips from the show, which is the benefit of watching The Soup. The climactic scene usually involves the show's subject retiring to the bathroom to use the toilet, because they think they have a very bad case on constipation. They then proceed to give birth, depositing the baby into the toilet. In a way, this is breathtakingly poetic, since with a mother like that, the baby is likely to have a shitty life.

Come back tomorrow for Number 3!

The List So Far:

10. Annoying Facebook Behaviors

9. The Snuggie

8. Jennifer Aniston

7. Balloon Boy

6. Glenn Beck

5. Teabaggers

4. I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant