Obama Changes Afghanistan Strategy: Surge Now Consists of One Sleeping Cadet

American President Barack Obama stood before a crowd of West Point cadets last night and delivered a speech, during which he announced his orders to send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan in the coming year, a number which will include many of his audience. While millions around the country were riveted to their televisions to hear what course the American military strategy would take in its 9^th year in Afghanistan, many cadets were having a hard time staying awake, with one cadet caught on camera in mid-snore. As a result, Obama decided to change his strategy from a surge of thousands to a strategy consistent with an Army slogan. The sleeping cadet will truly become an army of one.

[caption id="attachment_558" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Shoulda had a V8"][/caption]

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs says the strategy is not unprecedented. "You've seen 'First Blood,' right? Sure, it was a movie, but that doesn't mean it couldn't happen in real life."

The unnamed cadet will report to a special Army school where he will learn the tools needed to bring a successful resolution to the conflict in Afghanistan. In an accelerated program, he will learn: insurgent and counter-insurgent strategies, the dialects of every Afghan tribe, mountain warfare, the economics of the Afghan region and how that relates to the surrounding countries, advanced diplomatic theory, radio communication, and lessons learned from the Soviet war with Afghanistan.

Gibbs said that while President Obama would like to send him alone, his advisors have convinced him to allow the cadet to take along a romantic interest and his choice of cute, talking animal.

When asked for comment, Sarah Palin referred reporters to her Facebook page.