Obama Swims Out to Oil Leak, GOP Criticizes Stroke

As more oil continues to spew into the Gulf of Mexico, pressure has mounted on President Obama to respond more boldly to the disaster. After being criticized for his supposed lack of response to the oil leak, yesterday the President said, “I don't sit around just talking to experts because this is a college seminar, we talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers, so I know whose ass to kick."  This show of anger would have worked very well last week, when Republicans were complaining about non-emotional response to the leak, but his statement played into this week’s message: “The President is too angry.” The theme started shortly after Obama made this statement.

[caption id="attachment_722" align="alignright" width="289" caption="For some reason, he walked backwards into the water"][/caption]

After hearing the early response to his statement, Obama reportedly lost his cool, saying, “Well, if it’s action they want, it’s action they’ll get!” Shortly after, he stripped down into a bathing suit, which kept the story from being broken for some time, since websites like TMZ were too busy bringing fashion experts in to critique Obama’s bathing suit (which one of them called “Air Force Three,” in an apparent nod to the President’s endowment) to ask any questions about just why he was in a bathing suit.

The President swam from the shore all the way to the site of the oil leak, a distance of approximately 40 miles. Along the way, he changed strokes several times, often relying on the backstroke, which Congressman John Boehner (R-Orange) later criticized as indicating he didn’t take the swim seriously.

Fox News carried live coverage of the President’s swim and provided helpful graphics. One of their features compared Obama’s swim time to Michael Phelps’ Olympic races, which were nearly twice as fast, even accounting for the poor water conditions. Fox also had a live poll:

What is President Obama planning to do?

A. Wait until the cameras are stopped, then whistle for a speedboat.

B. See if he can find someone he hasn’t blamed yet.

C. Just go for a little swim because he doesn’t even know about the oil spill yet.

D. See if Poseidon has his birth certificate.

Rush Limbaugh provided live commentary, taking a break from his honeymoon following his fourth traditional marriage. “Wow, I didn’t know people like him could swim! And by “people like him,” I of course mean intellectual elites, not anything else you might think I mean. Don’t even think about playing the race card on me.”

After diving down to personally inspect the oil spill, Obama got into a speedboat for the return trip to shore, prompting Glenn Beck to question why he didn’t swim the 40 miles back to shore. “The people out there have enough to do without having to ferry Obama around,” Beck said. “Doesn’t he think he can walk on water?”