Conservative Protestors Stage Donkey Punching Parties

Not satisfied with their efforts to, as they put it, "teabag the whitehouse," conservatives upset with President Barack Obama's policies have devised a new strategy to garner media attention: donkey punching.

[caption id="attachment_320" align="alignright" width="300" caption="That's the spirit!"][/caption]

On April 15^th, many people held "Tea Parties," where they gathered, waved signs that made anyone associated with the English language cringe, and talked of teabagging.  Some carried signs such as "Teabag the Liberal Dems Before They Teabag You!"  Others planned on dumping large amounts of tea into bodies of water to replicate the Boston Tea Party and provide a little taste of home to any fish that had migrated from English waters and were missing a bit of the ole' Earl Grey.  Unfortunately, park police told the protestors that dumping tea in the water was not allowed.  "Just another example of how the government regulators are keeping us down," said protestor Harry Larrimore.  "Imagine if our founding fathers had to deal with this level of regulation! They would have been stuck signing forms and getting permits instead of protesting."

These teabagging parties received much coverage in the press, although much of it has been focused on the name they chose for their protesting activity. Apparently unbeknownst to the teabaggers, the name they chose to call themselves doubles as a reference to a sex act.  Because of this, much of the media has lampooned their protests, and the teabaggers feel their message is not getting through.

"We decided that we would focus on the antics of the Democrats, how they make us feel, and what we would like to do," said Larrimore.  "We know the symbol of the Democratic Party is a donkey, so we started thinking of donkey piñatas. The Democrats make us so angry that we want to hit them, not literally of course, but figuratively.  We are trying to be more conscious of our image, so we are not using the stick normally used to hit piñatas, but instead are hitting the donkeys with our fist, or donkey punching as we put it.  So far, it's working well, but we have to be careful, because some of our fellow protestors have taken to shooting the donkey."

Larrimore added, "Just in case donkey punching has some kind of other use that we can't find out by doing a simple Google search, we have a backup name: ass pounding."

Surprisingly, the media is planning to provide a great deal of coverage to these donkey punching parties. A spokesperson for MSNBC has said the network plans a full day of "Conservative Donkey Punching" coverage, and news commentary host Rachel Maddow says her staff will be gathering up as much footage as possible: "We are inviting anyone to come on the show and talk about their passion for donkey punching. We plan to highlight as many signs as we can from their protests. For example, this one that says: 'I'm a conservetive; and I love donkey punching.'"

Conservative giants like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck are climbing aboard the donkey punching bandwagon.  Limbaugh says, "No longer will we sit by and say, Obama is coming, let's bend over and grab our ankles!  No, we will now stand up and proudly say, I'm going to donkey punch you, Barack Obama."  Beck says the wave of donkey punching sweeping the nation is making him a bit misty-eyed, although it must be noted that the smell of his coffee brings a tear to his eye.

Not one to rest, Harry Larrimore is already hard at work for his next protesting strategy.  He has drawn a sketch in his notebook of the mascot for their immigration reform protests.  It is a man, dirty from his illegal trip across the border, with a nametag that says "Sanchez."  He's not sure what he's going to call him, but he says it "sure as hell won't cause us embarrassment."