Rupert Murdoch Chooses Karl Rove for "Outrage Czar"

In the new Republican Age of Outrage, it is sometimes difficult for media personalities to keep track of the latest event and its resulting outrage.  Interns at Fox News say they have whiteboards full of constantly changing talking points, which change on a day-by-day basis, sometimes even more frequently.  Starting this Monday, Karl Rove will take over as the "Outrage Czar", a newly created position within Murdoch's companies, which include Fox News, The Weekly Standard, and The Wall Street Journal.

[caption id="attachment_308" align="alignright" width="221" caption="Karl does his imitation of a rooster with a birth defect"][/caption]

Rove will be responsible for coordinating the opposition to the Obama White House, a challenging task.  However, Murdoch thinks that Rove is up to the challenge.  "For a little while, we were trying to keep track of all these different stories and how they interconnected," Murdoch says.  "We had groups of interns working around the clock on our 'consistency squad.'  Then, Karl called me with a brilliant idea.  Forget it!  We only have to be consistent about one thing: blaming Obama.  We fired the 'consistency squad' then ran a story about how Obama was causing job cuts."

Rove explains, "The American people, our viewers especially, have a very short memory, especially for boring things like politics.  They can't and won't follow a long argument about the moral and ethical consequences of enhanced interrogation, but they can follow snappy sound bites like 'torture works and is totally awesome!'  I just took that simplicity and applied it to Obama.  It's a very simple formula: 'Obama did something today, here's how his actions today are destroying America.'"

Some people are concerned America has a finite source of outrage.  Rove disagrees, stating that outrage is a renewable resource and is simply replenished by a night's sleep.  Murdoch agrees.  "Karl's strategy is both simple and brilliant.  Obama does something every day.  With our vast panel of paid experts, we can always find someone to explain how his actions are leading us towards socialism.  One day, an intern accidently wrote 'fascist' instead of 'socialist' on the graphic and we learned another interesting thing.  None of our viewers know the difference."