Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
State Fair Vendor to Debut Deep Fried Diabetes
On Friday, August 5th, NJ State Fair vendor Gerry Loktic will debut his new food item, bound to attract a plethora of fairgoers—deep fried diabetes.
[caption id="attachment_907" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Yes, those are diabetes balls"]
[/caption]
“I kept seeing other vendors raise the bar,” Loktic said. “It started with normal things like Twinkies and Oreos that were covered in batter and deep fried. After a while, each vendor tried to outdo everyone else with things like deep fried Kool-Aid, butter, and pacifiers.”
Loktic remembered his Business 101 class from college, in which he learned that a business should value efficiency. He decided that his customers were obviously interested in contracting Type 2 diabetes, so he thought he should get rid of the middle step.
“Anyone who takes a food like a Twinkie and decides that the way to improve it is to make it more terrible for your body is obviously hoping to join the insulin club,” said Loktic.
[caption id="attachment_907" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Yes, those are diabetes balls"]
[/caption]“I kept seeing other vendors raise the bar,” Loktic said. “It started with normal things like Twinkies and Oreos that were covered in batter and deep fried. After a while, each vendor tried to outdo everyone else with things like deep fried Kool-Aid, butter, and pacifiers.”
Loktic remembered his Business 101 class from college, in which he learned that a business should value efficiency. He decided that his customers were obviously interested in contracting Type 2 diabetes, so he thought he should get rid of the middle step.
“Anyone who takes a food like a Twinkie and decides that the way to improve it is to make it more terrible for your body is obviously hoping to join the insulin club,” said Loktic.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tweets From the Street - NY Gay Marriage
Many news outlets have some sort of Person on the Street section in which common people are asked to share their opinion about current events. In keeping with the current move towards journalistic laziness, The Fake News introduces a new segment that eliminates the need to leave the office. Every week we will ask a cross-section of society to tweet their opinion. Earlier this week, we asked for their thoughts on the NY gay marriage bill
Friday, June 24, 2011
Tweets from the Street - Afghanistan Troop Levels
Many news outlets have some sort of Person on the Street section in which common people are asked to share their opinion about current events. In keeping with the current move towards journalistic laziness, The Fake News introduces a new segment that eliminates the need to leave the office. Every week we will ask a cross-section of society to tweet their opinion. Earlier this week, we asked for their thoughts on President Obama's speech on troop levels in Afghanistan.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
FDA to Put Pictures of Unplanned Pregnancies on Alcohol Bottles
[caption id="attachment_880" align="alignright" width="250" caption="It's a baby bottle, get it?"]
[/caption]
The Food and Drug Administration announced today that they will add warning labels to alcohol bottles. Following the positive reaction to the new graphic images on new cigarette warning labels, the organization says they hope to help drinkers in the same way.
“For too long, people have bought alcohol without considering the ramifications. With Facebook, Flickr, Twitter, and Ask Jeeves, you can never live down that girl or guy you brought home,” said FDA spokesman Ray Kennedy. “If you’re really unlucky, you might have a reminder for 18 years that eats, poops, and vomits all over you.”
Reaction to the new warning labels has been mixed.
“I don’t really think I have to worry about getting a woman pregnant,” said Jeremy Winston, alcoholic. “I just want to forget the pain. Is there a label for that?”
The anti-drunk driving organization Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) is in favor of the labels, although they think they don’t go far enough.
“We have tried to get photos of horrific car crashes put on warning labels,” MADD spokesperson Alison Jenkins said. “Just think, we might have been able to save Jackass star Ryan Dunn.”
[/caption]The Food and Drug Administration announced today that they will add warning labels to alcohol bottles. Following the positive reaction to the new graphic images on new cigarette warning labels, the organization says they hope to help drinkers in the same way.
“For too long, people have bought alcohol without considering the ramifications. With Facebook, Flickr, Twitter, and Ask Jeeves, you can never live down that girl or guy you brought home,” said FDA spokesman Ray Kennedy. “If you’re really unlucky, you might have a reminder for 18 years that eats, poops, and vomits all over you.”
Reaction to the new warning labels has been mixed.
“I don’t really think I have to worry about getting a woman pregnant,” said Jeremy Winston, alcoholic. “I just want to forget the pain. Is there a label for that?”
The anti-drunk driving organization Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) is in favor of the labels, although they think they don’t go far enough.
“We have tried to get photos of horrific car crashes put on warning labels,” MADD spokesperson Alison Jenkins said. “Just think, we might have been able to save Jackass star Ryan Dunn.”
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Tweets From the Street - Father's Day Edition
Many news outlets have some sort of Person on the Street section in which common people are asked to share their opinion about current events. In keeping with the current move towards journalistic laziness, The Fake News introduces a new segment that eliminates the need to leave the office. Every week we will ask a cross-section of society to tweet their opinion. Today, we asked for their thoughts on Father's Day
Saturday, June 18, 2011
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