[caption id="attachment_654" align="alignright" width="292" caption="She ain't packing bombs, but she's packing something dangerous, you know what I mean?"]
[/caption]Yesterday, word began to leak of a security breach in which an unknown man concealed a working airport screening system in a false bottom of one of his suitcases. While such an incident seems difficult to believe because of the system's immense bulk, TSA officials have been quick to point out that A.) it was a very large suitcase and B.) screeners have never seen an effective and efficient security system.
"I found the extra compartment in his suitcase, but I ain't never seen one of them things before," said TSA worker Jim Lacee. "He said it was some kind of particle accelerator called the Large Apron Colander or something like that. He did look like he could be a scientist, so I let him go through. Plus, it was almost break time."
The man's cunning disguise is being reported as the classic "Groucho Marx" fake glasses and mustache mask, which unfortunately has prevented the TSA from identifying the identity of the terrorist.
"Of course he's a terrorist," said an anonymous source from the Department of Homeland Security. "The discovery of an efficient security system will cut back on unnecessary positions within the TSA, which has the agency's employees terrified. This guy knew what he was doing."
"Passengers are only being asked to give up a little bit of their freedom for added security," said TSA spokesman Richard Checker. "Having your private regions groped by security agents as a precautionary measure is a small price to pay to lower the risk of a terrorist attacking your flight from 0.000003% to 0.000001%. If not being fondled is that important to you, I guess you could take the train."
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