Sunday, January 03, 2010

Ten Things That Made Me Want to Stick My Head in an Oven This Year - Honorable Mentions

Honorable Mentions: Here are a few of the things that nearly made the list.

Twi-hards – Aside from being responsible for the explosion in vampire movies, television shows, children's toys, and breakfast cereals, Twilight has spawned a legion of obsessed women. Being a Lost fan, I know what it's like to be obsessed over something that other people find foolish. However, there is a bit of a disturbing issue with Twilight that I did not see reported in any major media outlet that covered the phenomenon. Taylor Lautner is seventeen years old. Grown men counting down the days until an attractive female celebrity turns eighteen? Pedophiles. Forty-year-old women screaming when Taylor Lautner takes his shirt of in the movie? Completely acceptable.

Commercials: There will always be commercials that I find extremely irritating, but they seem to be getting more so. Here are a few that really annoyed the hell out of me this year.

Windows 7 Was Not Your Idea – Congratulations, Microsoft. Apple set the bar very high with their irritatingly smug "I'm a Mac" commercials, yet you bounded over it as if it was inches off the ground. Why do you think that we want to see the type of people we hate in real life as characters in your commercials? Here's a hint: We don’t. If I went over someone's house and he regaled me with his exciting tale of how he had a problem with Windows and he thought of a solution, which was later featured in Windows 7, and this meant that he was responsible for the idea, I would leave, unfriend him on Facebook, unfollow him on Twitter, and try to avoid future contact. Why the hell do you think watching this idiot is going to make me buy your product? Just change your slogan to: Windows 7: Windows Vista was so fucked that this idiot figured out a better way to do things.

Shut Up About Rollover Minutes! – If you haven't noticed already, in the world of commercials, most men are idiots and most women are bitches. Exhibit A. The Cingular commercials. Basically, these are the exact same ad, with slightly different setup. The mom gets upset because her kids just can't seem to grasp the concept of rollover minutes. Even though she's yelled at them on at least 10 different occasions, the idiots just can't seem to get it. This tells me that either her kids hate her and are playing dumb just to upset her, or her parenting style of constantly yelling at her kids is not working. I'm not sure which one is better.

FreePunchInTheFace.com – By now, there are enough FreeCreditReport.com commercials to make an album. Am I supposed to want to punch the singer in the face at the end of the commercials or buy their product? If it's the former, their commercials are brilliant. If it's the latter, they're shit.

How about you?  What did I leave off the list?

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