Sunday, February 03, 2013

Congress proposes “Sanctity of Gun Life” law




A Glock handgun lies on a hardwood floor, its black matte finish speckled with crimson. A somber crime scene investigator carefully picks it up and places it into a plastic bag marked “EVIDENCE.”  The soldier to whom the gun belonged is placed into his own bag, the ragged sound of the zipper being pulled up bringing a harsh sense of finality to the room, where in the corner his girlfriend sits, in too much shock to cry.

The soldier, who suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, is taken away by the coroner. But what happens to the gun? It was an unwilling participant in this suburban tragedy, like the seventeenth pill in a bottle or a length of rope.

If Congress has its way, this gun will not remain homeless, its new plastic home lining a shelf in some evidence warehouse. It will certainly not face the gun death penalty, destruction after a family member of the deceased does not want to give it a good home.

No, this gun will be able to find a second life, protecting its new owner.

“When a gun is created, we believe that it deserves protection from the moment that gun’s manufacturing process begins,” said bill co-sponsor Steve King (R-IA). “From the moment the material hits the mold, that is a life, afforded all due protections under the law.”

Another of the bill’s co-sponsors thinks the law is a natural extension of Biblical principles.

“In the Bible, Jesus said to turn the other cheek,” said Michelle Bachmann (R-MN). “He also said that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. If we retaliate against these innocent guns, who did nothing but work the way they were created, we are just as guilty of destruction as the person who pulled the trigger.”


Under the proposed law, titled “The Controlling Guns’ Outcomes and World Peace Act,” gun destruction centers would be outlawed, and police would not be allowed to discuss gun destruction as an option with the public.

Some opponents of the law think that these restrictions will cause people to attempt to destroy their guns themselves, leading to potential accidents, which could hurt both the gun and the person attempting to destroy it.

The bill would also allocate funds to pay for counseling for those who have destroyed a gun and come to regret their decision. If enough funds are approved, these programs would also allow these people to adopt an unwanted gun.

The proposed bill has been met with elation from NRA members, like 35 year old Wayne Jenkins.

“I name all my guns,” said Jenkins. “The second amendment provides the same protection for my guns that I would have for my children. I’m glad that somebody finally agrees with the man on the TV.”

Bachmann and King were asked what the bill would do to help people with mental health issues, like the former soldier described above.

“Hey, don’t blame guns for people being crazy,” said King. “Guns didn’t send him to war on false pretenses…Hey, it’s lunchtime. Look, a bird!”

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