Cash Business

I submitted this story to NPR's Three Minute Fiction, but it did not win. So, I'm sharing it with you. The prompt was to write a story in the form of a voice mail message.

Cash Business

Hi, so I’m just returning your phone call about the ad in Craigslist. I should probably tell you a little bit about my services. You asked a lot of questions about what I can offer you, so I hope I can answer all of them before the message ends. We’ll see. I don’t put much information in the ad because it’s a cash business, and I don’t want the wrong people asking questions, you know what I mean? For some reason, some in society still frown on what I do, but I think I provide a valuable service to people in need. At least that’s what I tell myself.

I typically do one client at a time, although sometimes people want group sessions. Group sessions cost more, as it’s pretty challenging to provide adequate service to more than one person at a time. I do have some experience with groups, so I can offer you better service than someone just starting out. As you can probably guess, someone in my line of work learns new techniques for providing clients relief. I am constantly searching for new tips, especially from Asia. You know their reputation, right?

I charge $100 an hour, and if you don’t need the entire hour, you still have to pay me for the time. Clients usually ask me to come to their house or apartment, although hotels work well too if you don’t want your neighbors to know that you’re hiring me. I guess some people still think that what I do is help you cheat.


You wanted to know how often I could come. I guess that depends on how often you want to pay me, right? I’d come every day if that’s what you want, and stay as long as you want. In my line of work, the timing is pretty much up to you. People always think they can last longer than they can, so don’t expect too much of yourself. It’s been my experience that people typically top out at 2 hours, although I had one client who could go for twice that long. What a machine. Just when I thought he was done, he’d get a second wind. I was exhausted when I got home that night.

One last thing, and this might be a deal breaker. You said that you didn’t want your parents to know because you would be embarrassed that you have to pay someone like me rather than just use your own skills to score. I specialize in seventeen and eighteen-year-olds exclusively, so I’ve heard this before. You might be surprised, but parents are almost always supportive of your initiative. Basically, what I’m getting at is that a parent has to be home. They don’t have to be in the same room because that’s usually weird for everyone. I’ve had parents join in before…although that was really weird. Different strokes, I guess.

OK, I think I’ve answered all your questions. If you’re still interested in SAT tutoring, please call me back. Bye!