People who don’t live in the Northeast have had trouble understanding just how devastating Hurricane Sandy was to the area. The Fake News, through the generosity of Mark Davis, has obtained a diary from one of the survivors. We cannot verify its authenticity, but we present it to you unedited. Here are the last two entries
Entry 10: today has been an uneventful and dreadful day. I find it increasing difficult to even continue writing these entries. The majority of the day I spent venturing about, the highlight being my journey to a distant store. My goal was to obtain a computer chair since mine was destroyed by the survivalist thief. To my dismay, the employees must have had their intelligence decreased tenfold by the storming, rendering them completely useless at answering my question about an item that was on sale. They may have been zombies for all I know, but as usual during this trauma I have been experiencing, I took matters into my own hands and found the information I required. I purchased the chair which will hopefully ease my suffering, although I will not be able to assemble it in the near future. Regardless, I fear that my seemingly endless suffering is not even close to coming to an end. Now, I am with the survivalist thief, and he is currently eating tuna that he probably scavenged from a distant water source -- I am fearful of asking him too many questions. Hopefully my melancholy will cease in the coming days, but with conditions so grim, I doubt that is possible.
Entry 11: power has been restored. As I exit my vault, the world seems to be a better place, although I do not know if I will ever fully recover from this dreadful experience. All I know is that no one had it as bad as me, and through my turmoil, I re-affirmed my belief that death would have been better than losing internet. Even Job would pity me and my macabre situation. So ends my miserable experience and my posts via this awful smartphone that is more of a burden than anything because of the way it taunts one while attempting to use it to access the internet. May God watch over us all, and if that is not possible, may He watch over only me so that this never happens again.
Earlier entries here , here and here.
*This is clearly (hopefully) meant to satirize those complaining about mild inconveniences, not to trivialize those with serious needs. Please donate to help Hurricane Sandy victims here.
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