Written by Brian K. White
After an historic face to face sit down, Ariel Sharon and Yasser Arafat agreed on demands for peace terms. "It was great," said Arafat in his broken and nearly unintelligible English. "It turns (out) we both (want the) same (thing)." Ariel Sharon's account verifies the claim "We both want to end the bloodshed and have agreed to do so as long as the other withdraws his people into the sea and never returns. This is what we both want!" Allegedly, top peace advocates slipped no less than three hits of ecstasy in to the food and drink of Mr. Arafat, who was quite amiable and offered hugs to the reporters.
"Our people are not so different," reported Sharon while receiving a now-world famous Arafat rub down. "We both wear clothes and use weapons, only theirs are towels and slingshots while ours are Armani and tactical strike helicopters. How did we ever miss that we are brothers? Yes, perhaps brothers who have stolen each others wives and tried to kill one another, but my sweaty friend with the large pupils here has finally understood our intentions."
"I believe" offered Sharon "that the end to this conflict will be prompt. You see, the Palestinians have shown us that ours is a religion of falsehood and mockery and that when we die our souls will be extinguished. If they die they MAY have life everlasting, certainly if they die for the cause. I think by helping them die for their cause we can best insure that all Palestinians may live for eternity in a place where we can not and will not bomb them." After a moments consideration Sharon added "Nor roll through their homes with tanks. It's been fun, no mistake, but it must end." Pausing again he added "And for the last time, no, we didn't kill Jesus."
Following the proposed 10 week genocide mission affectionately called "Operation Martyr Maker" the area formerly inhabited by Palestinians will be transformed into a pastoral garden-like park to commemorate the perhaps dozen Israeli lives lost in the operation. At the conclusion of the press conference, Mr. Arafat seemed confused, asking "Where's the party going?"
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